Are you an Alpha or A Beta mom?

I have found an excellent new resource: Reality Parents. They have a weekly podcast, featuring topics that concern parenting. Their “Week 7” podcast discusses the issue of working mothers versus stay at home mothers.

I wrote about this here a while back, but wanted to add a few more comments, since it is still such a huge topic.

Terri and Kevin say there is a new term for moms now: “the Alpha” and “the Beta” moms. The “Alpha moms” are in everything. They work, they do every social thing, they have lots of hobbies, and they are in every bake sale, fundraiser, and on and on. The “Beta moms”, on the other hand, have a much more relaxed approach. They are typically stay at home moms, and focus more on family and not so much on other things. (Personally, I feel I am somewhere in between. We must coin a phrase for “hip” moms, who do what they can, but do not get pressured into doing what they shouldn’t. Hmmmm, maybe “Smart moms” 🙂 )

I totally agree with everything both Terri and Kevin say in their discussion. I like the balance that they both brought to the table. They stressed their point that being a mother is the greatest thing to do, and nothing is more important than that, yet expressing that somewhere there has to be balance between the “Alpha mom”, who doesn’t seem to take a moment to breathe, and the “Beta” mom who seems to be so focused on not being “Alpha” mom that she actually is opposite extreme. I myself firmly believe that being at home with my children, especially during their formative years, is very important. With that said …

Since as a Christian we tend to look to the Proverbs 31 woman as an example, I would like to point out the fact that she did work.

“She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.” (Proverbs 31:16-18 NIV)

But she had help! She provided for her servants, which meant she had someone helping with the day to day duties of the household. I personally know a woman who is a doctor, and I very much admire how she balances her professional career with that of being a mother. She works three days a week as a pediatrician, and is with her children the other four days. She has a live-in nanny, and her nanny does the grocery shopping and errand running on days she is not keeping kids. I love this. She gives plenty of focus to her children while balancing her career, and she still ensures that the household is run well.

My decision to stay at home with my children was/is not based on economics. If it were, I surely would be working a full time job outside of my home. When my husband and I decided that I would stay at home with our kids, my husband had only a modest salary at best, but the way we approach these kinds of decisions is that we decide what is best for the family and then figure out how to afford it. I have seen many times in my life, both as a single mom and as a married mom, that as I make decisions for my family based on what I think is best for us, God opens the doors to make a way.


I also am a firm believer in a woman being fulfilled not just through her children. If we are complete within ourselves, we will ultimately give more to our children. This is not a license to be selfish, mind you, but there are ways to give completely to your family and still do all that you desire. You may have to be creative, or put some things on hold while your children are really young, but it is important to pursue your passions. I believe if your career is truly a passion, then there will be ways you can fulfill it without sacrificing your family. For instance, this blog is my way of ministering to other women and an outlet for my passion, but it takes nothing from my family. I have a dear friend, Tracy, who was a teen counselor before she had her daughter. While she struggled with leaving her job as a Christian counselor, she ultimately decided to focus on her daughter for a few years, realizing that her job would be there when she is ready to do it again. However, she also has her own blog and church ministry as a way to still give out, and plans to do stuff for teens in the future.

I think my biggest complaint with this debate is that so many make it an either/or choice when that is just not the case. If the two income trap is the issue of not being with your kids enough, there are alternatives if searched out. If it is about pursuing your passion and fulfilling your needs, I am all for that. But again, you may have to become creative and flexible as to how you release that gift and talent during the short period of time that your children need you.

Ultimately, whether you work or stay at home I think it comes back to what I stated in this post:

It is a mother who cares to invest the most into her children, and no one can be paid enough to have that. It is not something to be developed but a God-given thing given to mothers the day they conceive their child. Whether you work outside or inside the home, the point is that you as a mother will lead, influence, and teach your child the most, and no one can change that.

What if Your Child Wanted a Different Religion?

If your child wants to study, learn and participate in a religion that is quite a bit different than what you have brought them up in, how do/would you react? What would you say to them and would you allow them to do as they wish in their searching?
~The Mom Blogs

This is a tough one for me, especially since I have not faced this (and hope I never do). I suppose the answer to this would depend on their age. If they were older I hope I would not try to control them as they explore and do what they needed to do to find their faith. Joyce Meyers wrote that there was a time when her son said that he did not know if he believed what he believed because it was true or because it was what his parents told him to believe. They had to allow him to go out and find God for himself. Because I do trust God to abide by his word I believe that if I raise my children in the way they should go when they are grown they will not depart (Proverbs 22:6). This does not mean they will not question their faith, but that ultimately God will show them who He is.

I think questioning your faith as you grow up is a natural part of the growing process, and is not something to fear. In fact, I think it is healthy. Because when they discover God for themselves it will be a personal relationship, and that will not easily be shaken. I liked the comment by mamatoo and I totally agree with her:
“I hope that my children will see my faith more than hear about it. I also hope I’m quick to encourage them to question and learn, and to develop beliefs that are more than a series of habits or “to do’s.” ”

As a child or young teen, however, I would probably tell them that “As for me and my house we will serve the Lord. (Joshua 24:15) You may not always agree with what we believe but you will attend church and participate in the religious activities that the family does together.”

My sister said when she lived at home, at 20 and 21 years old, she was not living for God. My parents only had one condition for her living with them, she had to be in church on Sunday morning. She would sometimes be there with a hangover, but they did not care and neither did God. She says this was the thing that saved her life, that God reached her all the way on the back row.

Big Girl Bed!

You may have remembered me talking about starting the process of putting Anna in the Big Girl Bed. Well, when we originally started it took us two nights to realize trying to get her to sleep with her sister was not going to work. So we got a twin bed this past weekend and decided to start again. The first night she was very clear that she wanted to sleep in the crib. I said “o.k.” Then the second day at nap time, again she wanted her crib. By the second night (Tuesday) I put her in the big girl bed, and she did fine! No struggles, and did not get out once. Two nights and she is sleeping in her big girl bed! No power struggles, no in and out of the bed. It was wonderful. Remember it may take longer for some, it took a couple of weeks with Emily, but the process still involves no power struggle. You want to avoid a power struggle with a toddler, if you can help it.

Anna Sleeping in her big girl bed!
(Anna Elizabeth, on her second night in the big girl bed!)

Traveling Tips for Your Summer Journeys

Journeys With Kelly
Hey Moms! Here are some tips for traveling with your kids this Summer. With School ending and year end recitals my plate is full. I say lets gear up for rest and relaxation. I’ll continue A Marathon Adoption of Epic Proportions next month. I hope these travel tips are useful. Feel free to add some of your own in the comment section.

Have a great month!

Infants and Toddlers: Be prepared and have the essentials at the ready.

1) Prepare a days feedings, snacks etc. Put them in a cooler or separate bag with all your eating accessories. The “take and toss” containers are great for trips and worth the money.
2) Purchase a nice size diaper bag with multiple pockets.
This way you can put a entire day of baby’s things in one place. Also, set aside a space for mom’s essentials and eliminate your own purse. Backpacks are great for traveling because they keep your hands free to chase down the wayward toddler or handle boarding passes.
3) Purpose to keep your child’s main napping time planned into your day. Even if your child doesn’t sleep, you will all have some downtime. If you are in the car, play some relaxing music that the family will enjoy and say “night-night”. On an airplane? Snuggle up to read a story.

Preschoolers and Elementary School Age: Keep them busy.

1) Schedule regular stops. Rest stops are really great for this. Everyone can go the bathroom and take a walk. It adds a bit of time to the trip, but it is worth the sanity.
2) Pick a classic book to listen to on CD or tape that the whole family will enjoy.
Bring writing utensils and paper. Have the kids make illustrations of the story while they listen. At the end of the trip put it all together in a notebook.
3) Pack your own healthy snacks and drinks. Purchase single serving size items or bag in snack bag size ziplocks. Promote drinking water. On a plane…bring some snacks for sure, but it is just too fun to pass up ordering your own drink from the stewards.

Preteens and Up: Use the time to communicate with your family

1) Get the kids involved before the trip. Get out the old fashion atlas and have them plot your route. Give each one a turn at being the navigator.
2) Make sure everyone has their own personal music device. It is crucial to keeping the peace.
3) Compile a list of topics that you and the kids can discuss. Let each person choose a topic and everyone express their point of view. You and your kids will be surprised how long you can actually have a conversation.

Happy Summer Journeys to you all. Be safe and enjoy your family.

The Journey Continues ... Kelly

Nursery Rhymes and Silly Stuff

I stumbled upon this site one day, and thought “oh, what fun”.
Any rhyme you want to know found here, all in one.

If you like rhymes (silly or sweet), you’re sure to like this page.
From princess songs, to kissing frogs, it’s sure to make your day.

Find the ones you have forgotten, and the ones you remember forever.
Teach them to your children, and share some memories together.

Nursery Rhymes and Silly Stuff

A Mother’s Mark

“What a rich faith … handed down from your grandmother Lois to your mother Eunice … to you!” 2 Timothy 1:5 (TMB)

The Bible paints various portraits of mothers, and while they weren’t perfect, each one tells a story. Moses’ mother broke the law to ensure his safety and teach him the faith of his people. Then there’s the mom who came before Solomon, prepared to forfeit her child rather than see him harmed. James and John’s mother loved them so much, she wanted them to sit on either side of Christ in His future kingdom. And Paul saw in Timothy a young man of sterling character because of the faith “handed down from [his] grandmother Lois to [his] mother Eunice…to [him].” The most significant thing we know about Timothy’s mother is that her mom was a believer, because while faith can’t be “inherited” it can be passed on through the influence of godly parents.

A little boy forgot his lines in the Sunday School play so his mother leaned over and whispered, “I am the light of the world.” The kid beamed, then with great feeling announced, “My mother is the light of the world!” We smile, but the truth is, mothers write on the hearts of their children what the hand of time can’t erase. E.W. Caswell said, “It’s only in [later] life that men gaze backward and behold how a mother’s hand and heart … shaped their destiny.” Chuck Swindoll adds: “If you were blessed with a good mother, you reap the benefits the rest of your life. If your mother neglected your needs, much of what you suffered can’t be erased. For good or ill, a mother’s mark is permanent.” So, Mom, what kind of mark are you leaving on the lives of your kids?

From: “The Word For You Today”

Happy Mother’s Day!

I thought, this Sunday being mother’s day, I would feature a few other great mothers. (These are in no particular order)

First: It is the text message we all want to get, and laugh at. It is the main reason we bother to leave our husbands with the kids. Read Holly’s story about leaving her husband for the weekend, and him finding out that “Your life is harder”. It cracked me up.

Second: My friend Tracy, whom I love and adore, has a special tribute to moms. She asked several of the moms in her life to write a special message to all the mom readers out there. Mom, stepmom, mom-in-law, to Spiritual mom, they all have special messages to encourage other mothers today.
So check out “A Message From My Moms”

Third: Rookie Moms everyday has great ideas to keep moms enjoying life no matter what. “Throw an inside-outside party” suggests that we begin to do things again we could not do while pregnant. Ladies, just using my downy is something I enjoy being able to do that I could not do when I was pregnant. (Oh the gag reflexes when I am pregnant)

Check out these links, you will enjoy yourself. Then answer this question: What is your ideal Mother’s Day? Really.

Hollywood Holiness?

I just thought this was interesting, making our world seem a little more hopeful than most believe…

I believe God is doing something in Hollywood that mainstream media does not bother to tell us about. Famous actors and actresses are seeking out truth and not only finding it but their lives and movies are changing accordingly. Even the unsaved in Hollywood are finding that there is a market for clean, moral films with positive messages. While we may hear about Kate and Tom and their conflicts about Christian Scientology, they do not mention much about the following examples.

Mel Gibson, while flawed as we all are, took a huge step to proclaim his faith. And no man could close the doors that God has opened. But even before Mel Gibson, God was doing something, moving on the hearts of those He had gifted with and blessed with so much.

Many have heard of Kirk Cameron’s message “Way Of The Master”, and his campaign to give Christians the confidence to witness to others. You can see his ABC interview, and his discussion of faith versus science here.

Stephen Baldwin, one of the famous Baldwin brothers has found a love for God that divides brother against brother. In this interview he talks about what God has done for him, in him, and through him. It is only a few minutes; take the time and see the bad boy of Hollywood turned around and sold out to God, and reaching millions of young people.

Or how about comedians such as Kerri Pomarolli.
Check out her site and on the home page scroll to the promo video for Hollywood on Fire. A new film profiling Hollywood’s History Makers “Hollywood On Fire” coming 2007. It is full of actors and actresses you will recognize instantly who declare their faith proudly.

My favorite is Steve Harvey introducing Jesus Christ. God has captured his life and he knows who he is because he knows who HE is.
Watch this!

We Make It Complicated; He Makes It Simple

If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get His help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it … But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God – the free life!- even out of the corner of his eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action. That person will find delight and affirmation in the action. James 1:5-6; 25 Message (Emphasis added)

How many of us sometimes feel that no matter how many parenting books, or Supernanny shows we watch, or smart mommy blogs we read ( 🙂 ) we still have days where we ask ourselves “what the heck am I doing?” Yes, even those of us who write the smart mommy blogs.

Life seems to be so complicated because sometimes there are no right or wrong answers to parenting, or how God allows circumstances to play out in our lives. And there are some things I cannot answer. My five year old can trip me up with some of life’s questions. But James said if you don’t know what you are doing, don’t worry about it, God has you covered. He will not be condescending to you for not knowing what to do. If we seek out God, and pray for Him to show us the next step He will answer. And here is the thing that I loved … Whoever catches even the slightest glimpse of what God reveals, walks it, and sticks with it, that person will be so glad for taking action!

Psalm 119:105 says “Thy word [is] a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” The message Bible reads “By your words I can see where I’m going …”

We take the steps God has shown us, and it does not have to be a lightning bolt revelation. (God is the originator of common sense.) He will show us the next step to take, and when we begin to see where we are going we will be so glad we decided to take action.
The only hard part is our part. He does say we have to take action, and stick with it.

This applies to anyone and any life or circumstance. Take one step, pray. And let God delight in showing you what to do next. It is that simple.