Emma’s Thoughts

The following is a letter my husband’s aunt Emma, and dear friend, sent to her family and friends in 2005. She was killed in a tragic car accident not even 2 months later. Reflecting on this letter was so bitter sweet, and full of the hope and encouragement that Emma would have said to us had she been standing there herself. As spring has arrived, it has caused me to remember her, and this letter. Today I honor her memory and legacy she left us.

These words are as powerful and true today as they were then. I pray that this will spark hope in those who need it, and reflection for others. God Bless you .
Angel

March 28, 2005
To My Dear Friends,

Easter is a time of year when a newness of life is “springing up” all around us. Nature seeming to flaunt its ability to come back from the dead to life with glorious displays of color. Hope seems to be renewed all around. The grip of winter is slipping but winter does not give up without a tremendous fight. The severe weather we are having is evidence of that battle between the forces of weather patterns as our earth moves in its appointed path. All of this reminds me of how our human nature tries to keep a death grip on us even as the new life given by the risen Saviour is taking over our hearts, minds, and spirits. The war never stops once we make the decision to walk after the Lover of our souls, Jesus. But, He promises us victory if we battle through to the end, all the while holding on to Him and His grace and strength for this battle for new life.

For my dearest friends, I pray as the battle rages within and without, you are holding on to Him as He shows you the sun shining ahead. The most difficult part of a battle is keeping hope when all seems dark. It may be hard to see the light of hope. But it is there waiting for us. Those who love us are bringing in reinforcements and are cheering us on. Nothing is too big or small for Him to take care of for you. Allow His Love to overtake you and hold you close, to give you the assurance that all is well and you will finish this race you have set your heart toward. He will complete the good work He started in us all. He began it on the cross and He is finishing it as we battle from our winter to our spring.

I am thinking of you all and how my heart has been changed because of knowing you. Thank you for your love and care toward me through the years. You have believed in me and that has helped me to believe. You are faithful friends always and I love you so.

I pray your Easter season has been and will be blessed and you have a renewed faith and hope in Christ Jesus our Lord.

~Emma

What Surprises You Most About Being A Mom?

“What surprises you most about being a mom?”
Myself.
My temper and impatience
How tired I feel.
How much I love my child.
That while I love my children, some days I don’t like them.
How being a mom brings out the worst and best in me.
How many times a nose needs to be wiped.
How much more I understand God’s love for me.
How wonderful it is to be called “Mommy”
(Answers from “What Every Mom Needs”)

The Mom Blog has asked us this question this week. And I thought it would be fun to respond.

I think what has surprised me most is how much they really follow our example. We have all heard the kid who repeats things their mommy says (and it always seems to be the embarrassing things), but I can not seem to get over how much comes out of Emily that I have inadvertently put in her. For example, the one thing I have always struggled with since Emily was born is my weight. Not long after she was born, I started Weight Watchers and went back and forth with that program for years. After a while if I tried to feed her something she would say “Oh mommy I can not eat that, it has way too many points”. A little scary I must say. I would see episodes of Oprah with kids eating paper to stay thin, and get all upset.

Now I have come to a new place in my life. Where roller coaster dieting is not apart of my life anymore. I focus on exercise and a healthy lifestyle. Eating balanced, normal portions, and finding activities that require me to move, and simply feeling good about myself and who I am. My thinking is towards my overall health. Now Emily talks about needing to eat her vegetables so that she can be healthy, and that she needs to go to kid’s corner ( A kid’s program at the gym I go to) so she can exercise to be strong.

I know how much words coming out of my mouth affect my attitude, but I never realized how much it could affect hers. If I feel fat, and say something about me being fat, it will come back around in her asking me if I think she is fat, or telling me she doesn’t want to be fat. It is a dangerous slippery slope of passing on poor self image. I have come to see that I need to not just build her up and tell her that she is beautiful to build her self esteem, but that I also need to show her how to carry self confidence in myself. To show her a woman who is confident in her own skin and loves herself flaws and all. Because, after all, she thinks I am the “greatest most beautifulest thing in the world”. If she views me as beautiful and I say she is wrong by my attitudes and words, how does she know in herself if her beauty is true or not?

This has been what has surprised me so much about being a mother, how much power we really do have to shape and mold, the next generation.

Never Pray For Patience

In my life I have heard it said many times “Do not pray for patience. You know how God gives you patience right? All hell breaks loose in your life. Every line you get in will be long, and every one will begin to get under your skin. So do not pray for patience.”
So I never have, but I have asked for maturity so I suppose I inadvertently asked for it, since patience is part of maturity. I found this past weekend, in discussing life with a small group of friends, Patience seems to be the what God is working in us all. Patience causes the ability to endure which, as I said last Monday, is definitely the theme of my life right now. Interestingly enough my devotional Saturday was on patience, and then Saturday night was when everyone agreed that was what God was doing in their life. So I thought I would share Saturdays devotional here.

“Let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be (mature)…wanting nothing.” James 1:4

Just because it hasn’t happened yet, doesn’t mean God has changed His mind. While you are waiting – God is working. The timing may not be right for Him to get the ultimate glory, and you the maximum benefit. That is why the Bible says: “Let patience have her perfect work that you may be perfect (mature)…wanting nothing”
Impatience is a sign of immaturity. Children can’t wait for anything! So are you being childish or showing maturity? God sets His watch to accomplish His purpose, not ours. Paul writes “We know all things work…according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28 para.). When you understand God’s purpose you won’t permit things that are contrary to it, including hurry and worry. You’ll also know how to allocate your time, your energy, and your money – who you should spend your life with, and who you should not.
God says, ” I make known the end from the beginning” (Is 46:10 NIV). First God sets the goal, then He determines the steps that lead to it. And what are we supposed to do while we are waiting? Listen: “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vine, thought the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.” (Hab.3:17 NIV)
Begin thanking God for what He has done, and what He is going to do on your behalf, as he works His patience in you.

In a discussion I had with my sister about patience she said “When you sow a pansy you will have a quick harvest, yet it will wither away as quick as it came up. If you want an oak tree it is going to take a long time, and will require a lot of nurture, yet in the end will prove to stand against anything.” In whatever it is you are believing for or walking through, do you want an Oak, or a pansy?

Fun Friday: Should A Guy Pay?

Two of my very best friends are single. One lives in Washington, D.C. yet is originally from the south. While she believes in southern hospitality and all that goes along with it, the guys in D.C. do not, and apparently neither do the women who constantly think she should go out with a guy after he made her split the check. He would pay for a client he is wooing, right?

Plus, as those of us who are married know, once you are married even when he “gets the bill” it is no longer the same. You no longer think, “awwwe he spent that much on me for dinner, how sweet”. Now you think “Do you know how many diapers I could have bought for that, or shoes!”

My husband and I were friends before we dated. When I went home for Christmas I went out with another guy friend. He took me out and payed for my dinner and movie. When I came back my sister, in her attempts to make Ben move, told everyone I went on a date with a very cute guy. (Who was cute, but I digress… 🙂 ) The next time Ben and I went out to dinner as “friends” I brought it up in casual conversation, and told him “My dad’s philosophy is if a guy picks up the check you are on a date. That goes both ways. If you go out with a “Friend” and he pays, you are on a date. If you go out on a date, and he makes you pay, you do not consider this a date. “ Then a few minutes later I excused myself to the restroom. When I came back the bill had come, and mine was paid for. This is how the lines were made clear, we were no longer “just friends”.

I found this comic for my dear friends who find it hard to be “wooed”. What do you think, married women, is it necessary for the guy to pay for your dinner? Throw your opinions in.

Kerri Pomarelli

Journey’s With Kelly… A Marathon Adoption of Epic Proportions

Since I began this adoption series on 1smartmom, I have mentioned a few times that we have been in a lengthy international adoption process. I have chosen this month to begin to tell you this story. This is not an article of what to do or not to do in an international adoption. It is simply my adoption journey. God put this child in my life for a purpose. My second son’s life is destined to be linked to mine forever. Remember this as you read about my Marathon Adoption of Epic Proportions.

Our adoption journey to bring our #2 son into our lives began in the Fall of 2002. We had recently relocated across the country to be closer to extended family. We were settled and ready to begin the adoption process again. I had begun to ask the Lord to bring another little boy into our home that was around 2 or 3 years old.
We felt that the age of our older son would fit nicely with a 2 year gap. I wanted Zach to have a playmate for life.

A usual practice in our life is to “sow” seed for things we believe the Lord is calling us to do. So when an opportunity arose during the Christmas season to sponsor a child in a home in Romania for Christmas, I did it. I signed up for the youngest boy in the house. He was a little boy named Feri. Zach and I went shopping for this boy so that he would have a blessed Christmas, prayed over his things, and sent them off with the mission team that would be taking the gifts. We had sown the seed for our next little boy.
We had no idea how the Lord would use this step of faith and obedience.

In the late winter of 2003 one of our pastoral staff, that ministers in Romania on a regular basis, came to us with a potential child for adoption. We turned her down flat because the boy was older than Zach and we felt strongly about him remaining the oldest. Sue, our pastor friend and now beloved Bonika (Romania for grandmother), said that she would verify the child’s age. She was certain that we should consider this boy for our family.

Sue told us that she had carried this boy from a crib in a hospital ward in Romania when he was about 18 months old. He had little muscle tone and had spent most of his life in crib with another child in a room with one window. He was placed in a wonderful small children’s home and with the proper care and nutrition, just blossomed into a mobile toddler. The doctor anticipated that there would be some developmental delays, but it appeared that he could regain everything with therapy and a lot of love. I was moved by the boy’s story, but knew in my heart that the birth order issue was a priority.

Two other times Sue approached us and the last time, the information of his age was different. It caused us to consider and pray about this boy. According to our information he was 6 months younger than our oldest son, Zach. I told Sue, “Give me 3 days.” She offered a picture and I turned her down. “No faces.” I said. I am too much of a sap. I needed to know that God was in this. Adoption is emotional enough. We prayed. I researched bringing a “like-twin” into the family.

I knew that we should do this. On a chilly early Spring day in 2003, Sue called and asked to bring a picture by of this beautiful boy. Standing in the foyer of my home I stared into the eyes of my 2nd son. He was wonderful. Everything a mother could want. I asked Sue for his name for the first time and she said “ His name is Feri. He is the youngest boy in Dove House.” My ears did not deceive me. This was the very boy that we had sponsored at Christmas. Tears rolled down my face as I realized that we had been given another lesson in destiny. Bonika Susie’s perseverance and our obedience had brought us our 2nd son.

Our Bonika Susie took a trip to Romania a few weeks after our decision to adopt Feri to find out all the things we would need to proceed. Upon her return she gave us a copy of his birth certificate. Mitchell Feri was born in 1999. He was 18 months younger than Zach! God hears our prayers.

This is only the beginning of the adoption marathon we are navigating to bring our Mitchell Feri home. There is so much more that I have learned on this journey.
God is teaching me something through this every day. I want to share some of that with you next time. I hope you’ll come back by 1smartmom next month around the 15th to hear the epic that continues with our Romanian adoption journey.

This installment of Journeys with Kelly is dedicated to Mitchell Feri and all the other Romanian children who wait for their Forever Families. We will not walk away. We will not stop the fight. You are all worth every day we spend in the battle to bring you home.

If you have a great adoption destiny story I would love to hear about it. Let us know here at 1smartmom.

Share the Burden of House Cleaning.

A few months ago a friend of mine mentioned that she and another friend of her’s swapped house cleaning. I thought this was such a marvelous idea I suggested it to my sister. She thought it was great too, so we set a day. We have been doing it for a few months now, and love it. It really feels like a maid coming to your home every other week, giving your house a once over. The key is to find someone that likes (or doesn’t mind) doing what you do not like to do.

Here is how it works for us:
The first week on Tuesday, I go to Jo Anna’s home, the next week she comes to mine. She hates vacuuming, I do not mind. So at both houses I do all of the vacuuming, sweeping, and mopping.I hate doing bathrooms, she doesn’t mind. So at both houses she does the bathrooms at both houses.

It works great! We do not have to do the tasks we hate the most. This makes it much more bearable, and your home is easier to maintain during the 2 week period.
So, Go find you a cleaning partner today. Thanks Andrea for your idea, it has really helped me!

Busy Mama’s Can Be Healthy!

As many of you know I have been taking a healthy cooking class. I have been learning so much about what the ingredients I read on packages really are.( I am going to share some of them here soon). I have always been amazed at how many parents do not understand the importance of feeding their children fruits and vegetables. And no, french fries though a potato, does not count. We can give our children supplements and that is good, but science is discovering how fresh fruits and vegetables are the best way to get these vitamins and minerals in you. Why? Because if you break down the vitamins and minerals in a head of broccoli you will find that the minerals help the vitamins be better absorbed, and vice-versa. God has the perfect balance in these natural products to work just right together in your body to create the optimal health benefits. If you eat whole wheat (nothing enriched) breads, the fiber in it not only helps our digestive system better, but it also causes the protein in the bread to stick with you longer. And protein is what makes you feel full longer so you do not need to eat as often. How about them potatoes?

There are so many things that I have to remind myself not to become overwhelmed. Baby steps are the keys to living healthy long term. For instance starting with a fresh fruit or vegetable at every meal is a great place to start. I have been eating a lot of salads because they can have as much variety to it as I want. Add some chicken or turkey pepperoni, a little cheese, you have a protein and a full meal.

One very easy salad that I like is a Spinach/ strawberry salad with a light Raspberry Vinegarette. It is so easy, bagged Spinach, cut up fresh strawberries, and add your vinegarrette. You just got a fruit and a vegetable in! 🙂 My kids like it, because it is sweet. Yesterday I had a fruit smoothie for lunch. And your kids will flip for this.
Use about 8-12 oz. orange juice, mix in any frozen fruits you like (I bought a tropical blend…My favorite so far) and blend. It is sweet, delicious, light, and you have just put in so many fruits, vitamins, antioxidants, and minerals it is unreal! It is a fantastic snack as well, and takes no more time than pulling out the blender and opening the packages.

Kristy Shreve is a busy mom, and she has some other great and easy salad recipes. Check it out, I know you will find at least one you could like!

Endurance.

“The testing of your faith produces endurance.”
1 Corinthians 1:3 (NAS)

Everywhere I turn around these days this word, endurance, seems to be screaming at me. And in just about every area of my life I would like to scream back at it. My devotional said “God won’t permit more pressure than we can handle” and then I read Paul said “People are watching us as we stay at our post … immersed in tears yet always filled with deep joy; living on handouts, yet enriching many, having nothing, having it all.” 1 Cor. 6: 1-10. Then I hear a song, “Having faith in the long run is easier said than done; It’s hard to live out in the light of day … Despite all your tendencies, God sees it differently; Your struggle’s a time to grow …”

Throughout several areas in my life right now it seems that victory, or breakthrough, is right around the corner, yet so far away. But isn’t this what endurance is about?
Knowing what our circumstances are, we remain faithful in what we believe, in who we are, and in who God is.

Endurance means “the power to withstand hardship or stress; survival, a state of surviving; remaining alive.” I think right now, the heartbeat of what God is putting in all of us is the ability to endure. Not to wither at a trial, but instead to see it as a chance to grow, an opportunity to shine like you never have before. Sometimes there is not an answer, or human understanding for what we are going through. He is not asking for us to find an answer, but just to endure to the end, consistent in our faith, our attitudes, and our actions.

About two weeks ago, there was a horrible bus accident here in Atlanta. You may have seen it; it was all over the national news. A bus full of college baseball players from a little Christian college in Ohio drove over a bridge, at interstate speed. (The driver thought he was in the HOV lane, but it was an exit.) One of the fathers of the seven people killed said “I do not understand it, but I know God will use it for good. Something good has to come out of this. It just does.” He did not say God caused it, he just said God had to use the struggle he now had to endure.

I know that what I face is nothing in the scope of human pain, and endurance. So how, if I cannot endure for a season, will I be able to share the loving mercies of God to someone who has lost a child, a spouse, a family. Whatever I endure, I know there is a purpose and a plan bigger than I can imagine. Storms in my life may come … no they will come, but as a tree planted firmly in the ground, I pray it will only reveal the depth and resilience of my roots.

Listen carefully to the words of this song. I have heard it a hundred times, and only really heard them the other day:
“I’ll praise You in this storm, And I will lift my hands; For You are who You are No matter where I am. Every tear I’ve cried You hold in Your hand. You never left my side. And though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm.”

Woman Sues Doctor for Child-Rearing Cost After Failed Abortion

Yesterday I received an email from “the mom blogs” wanting my thoughts on the following news:

Woman Sues Doctor for Child-Rearing Costs After Failed Abortion
Wednesday, March 07, 2007

BOSTON — A woman who had an abortion but still gave birth has filed a lawsuit against two doctors and a family planning organization seeking the costs of raising her child.

The complaint was filed by Jennifer Raper, 45, last week in Suffolk Superior Court and still must be screened by a special panel before it can proceed to trial.

Raper claimed in the suit that she found out she was pregnant in March 2004 and decided to have an abortion for financial reasons, The Boston Globe reported in its Wednesday editions.

Dr. Allison Bryant, a physician working for Planned Parenthood at the time, performed the procedure on April 9, 2004, but it “was not done properly, causing the plaintiff to remain pregnant,” according to the complaint.

Raper then went to see Dr. Benjamin Eleonu at Boston Medical Center in July 2004, and he failed to detect the pregnancy even though she was 20 weeks pregnant at the time, the lawsuit alleges.

It was only when Raper went to the New England Medical Center emergency room for treatment of pelvic pain in late September that year that she found out she was pregnant, the suit said.

She gave birth to a daughter on Dec. 7, 2004.

Raper and her lawyer, Barry C. Reed Jr., refused comment when contacted by the newspaper, and a spokeswoman for Planned Parenthood said the organization does not comment on pending litigation.

Massachusetts’ high court ruled in 1990 that parents can sue physicians for child-rearing expenses, but limited those claims to cases in which children require extraordinary expenses because of medical problems, medical malpractice lawyer Andrew C. Meyer Jr. said.

Raper’s suit has no mentions of medical problems involving her now 2-year-old daughter.

Oh, where to start.

Six years ago, I was pregnant. I was not married, and had really made a mess of things. While I had lots of people that loved me and supported me, I did not know how I would ever raise a child on my own. (My then 20 year old boyfriend was doing a little wiggin’) I had no education, except high school, and I saw mine and my child’s fate as living with my parents forever. So I was considering adoption. (Since I do not believe in abortion) At a random car wash waiting room, I struck up a conversation with a woman. She asked me how far along I was, and somehow I began telling her my story, and then she told me hers:

When she was sixteen she got pregnant. Her boyfriend disappeared, and her mother said her only option was abortion. THREE times she went to the abortion clinic, and each time the child would crawl into the girls ribcage and they could not perform the abortion. In about her sixth month, they went for the fourth time. For some reason the nurse asked her if she wanted to do an utra sound first. She agreed. Once she saw that baby, and was told the sex, a little boy, she could not do it. Her mother kicked her out, and at sixteen and pregnant she was on her own. She said for 3 years she worked to take care of the two of them, and got her GED. Five years from the time the child was born, she met a man. He was a Godly man, and he adopted her son. She went on to be a stay at home mom with her son and the children she had with her husband. At the time, her son was seventeen and headed for college. Showing me her pictures of her son, she told me that this boy was honor roll, and she had never had any trouble with him. Worked through high school, saving his money for college, talented musician, and loved his mama. He had been the light, and salvation, of her life…

And she was mine. See, I do not even know her name, and never will. But that was the day I decided to keep my daughter, and not a day has gone by that I regretted my decision. God has been faithful to me. Even before Emily was born her daddy wanted to be in her life, and mine. (Though I made him jump through a few hoops to get there. And he stepped up and became the man I always knew him to be. 😉 ) What seemed like the darkest time in my life, became a beautiful little girl that flipped my world upside down, and catapulted me into my destiny. With a husband who adores me and both of our daughters. A stay at home mom, helping to develop my girls into strong women of faith, who will go further than I ever could.

With that said, I know that this woman was angry that she had to walk out a fate she did not choose. But maybe God, not some doctor, said “No, this child has a destiny!” She obviously could not give the baby up for adoption. Which makes me ask, do you not think this child is a blessing? If so, you should be kissing that doctor for his screw up not suing him! And if she doesn’t think the child is a blessing, why did she keep her…Greed? UUGH! It makes my stomach hurt!

I want to end with this: Destiny is not something you are born with, it was on you even before the womb, and it is on this little girl. I hope her mother sees it.
“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my spokesman to the world.” (Jeremiah 1:5)