“The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish. Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins.”
“In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”
(Psalms 25:17-18; Psalms 118:5-6 NIV)
As I was growing up, my dad, although he was expressive with his love and did cry at joyous or extremely sad moments, was always on my mom about needing to control her emotions. I saw the outburst and out of control anger in response to whatever she felt. My dad’s answer was that she should tell herself how to feel, sort of a “fake it ’til you make it” theology.
I have been told that I am just like my mom; this angered me. While I love my mom, and know I have gained her strengths and her great qualities, when that was used it was not to highlight her, or my, greatest qualities. I have struggled with this from the time I was young. I would try so hard to be in control of my emotions, I would tell myself I was not going to get out of control. I will not scream, yell, throw things. I would try so hard, so hard. Then something or someone would push my button in the right place and I would be off like a race horse out of the gate. Then I would be angry at myself for losing it.
Anger was not the only emotion I struggled with. It was all of them. I hated how my mom would get so emotional over money. The bills would not be paid and she would freak out, like that did anything but worry us kids. As an adult even recently int he past year, with my husband going into business for himself, I have found myself this way. “How are we going to pay this?” “Where is it going to come from?” I put all the pressure on him, and then did not give him the space to figure it out. This, ladies, is not good for a marriage, nor is it good for our kids.
I began seeking God about how to control my emotions; I needed to in order to make my marriage a happy one. No, I do not want to be a “Stepford Wife” where all is well, and nothing he does is wrong. I cannot stuff my emotions, or ignore them. Doing this has caused me to become bitter and more angry in the past. It is like never treating an infection, it will eventually surface.
God gave us our emotions, and caused women to be extra sensitive. He designed us that way. This is why we are the primary nurturing parent, it is why we have woman’s intuition. Stuffing down the God given emotions will result in bitterness, anger, pain, and rejection. In denying these emotions we will deny other’s, including our spouses and children.
Emotions are not a weakness, but they are our strength when used appropriately. Emotions are not a sin. Paul said “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath (Eph.4:26). Paul says it is okay to be angry, but we must deal with it appropriately. The scripture shows that Jesus struggled in his emotions to do the will of God, “And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.”(Luke 22:44) The emotion itself is not evil or wrong; it is our response or how we react to the emotion that makes it good or evil.
So how do we deal with them? We know we cannot allow emotions to control us (having outbursts, or inappropriate behavior in response to the emotion), yet we cannot seem to control our emotions (attempting to ignore or deny our feelings, stuffing it in to fester). I realized that God has to be in control of my emotions. I know this seems like a cliché statement, but one day as I was truly seeking God and actually praying about this it became a revelation to me. If in the midst of the emotion I will be honest with God, and I might as well since He knows me better than I know myself, and say “I am angry, I am hurt, I do not know how to deal with this.” And allow myself to cry, pour myself out to Him, vent to HIM, exhausting all of that on Him, then just be silent for a moment. You will suddenly find this healing come over you, or even an epiphany on how to handle the situation you are dealing with.
Like Jesus on the mountain sweating drops of blood because of how stressed he was, then God sent him an angel to minister to him. Or like David said in the above scripture, in his anguish he cried out to the Lord, and God set him free. Maybe not from the circumstance, but from the anguish at least. As we give it to God, we have to let go of it. We can not be like the toddler who reaches out to give a toy to a friend and then snatches it back.
Like David, there will be times that we have to make a conscious decision to fight the depression setting in us. We have to shake it off, play some fun music and dance around your house. Your kids will love it, too. (God knew thousands of years ago when He told them to dance that the body releases endorphins in the body which fights depression; if you are angry or depressed…FIGHT!)
Getting control of your emotions is not about ignoring the emotion, pressing it down, or “confessing” it away, it is simply controlling how you will respond to the emotion that IS there.
Many of you that join us here at 1smartmom may have made the decision to grow your family by adopting or know someone who is on the journey. This month we will talk about some of the “in and outs†of private domestic adoption. In a previous post I mentioned that our 2 private domestic adoptions happened unusually quick. One took place within 60 days. The other in 4 months. This is not the norm. 