Ben and I have used a parenting method from the time Emily was born called “Growing Kids God’s Way” or “Baby Wise.” While we have not read all the material we have found the infant and toddler information very helpful. One of the philosophies this program supports is that the nucleus of the family is around the parents. We were a family before you got here, and you are a beautiful addition to this family. However mommy and daddy need to have their time, thus keeping the family and child happier long term. They, as well as I with my own children, have seen that children need to see their parents interacting with each other in a conversational, relational way. If they see us doing more than co-existing then they are secure in the family’s existence.
I know what you are thinking, they can not process all of that. While this may be true you would be amazed at what showing your spouse a little affection in front of your child can do for their attitude. One incident in their book that they describe is how one couple was having a problem with their toddler waking up in the middle of the night. The Ezzo’s asked how much “couch time” they were spending together. (Couch time is an activity in which mom and dad give each other at least 15 minutes of undivided attention talking to each other while sitting on the couch, while the children do not interrupt them. It is reinforcing the children to respect mommy and daddy’s space as well as showing them that mommy comes first.) They said none, but that they were spending plenty of time with the child. The Ezzo’s suggested that the reason the child was getting up every night was because it was the only time he saw them together, working together to solve this problem. They then challenged them to begin their 15 minutes couch time again. Of course the child resisted and tried to interrupt their time, which they refused to let him do. However within the first two nights the child resumed his sleeping through the night. He simply needed the security that mommy and daddy were okay.
How does this tie into Emily’s favorite sound? Well, I went to a Parent/Teacher conference this past Monday; she has been keeping a “journal” in preschool. In it she had to answer “what’s your favorite thing to see, touch, smell, taste, and hear?” Her response to “what’s your favorite thing to hear?”….”Mommy and Daddy talking” I think that says it all, doesn’t it?
Try implementing 15 minute couch time in your home for a week, and see what changes. Here is what you do. When Daddy comes in he can say hello to everyone, and then he spends 15 minutes with mommy (it can be that he sits while you cook. Ben has even started helping me cook.:) ) The idea here is that he is putting mommy first. It is the core relationship and when it is strong the family unit is strong. Of course the children may resist at first, (if you have infants now is the perfect time to start this practice they will learn this is part of the routine) but it will make things stronger and healthier for all.
Ahhhh. Couch Time. It is the best thing and the hardest thing to
do. But, oh, the difference it can make. If Zach’s behavior gets way out of sorts, generally, we can track it to a busy schedule and little to no couch time. Even 3 times a week can keep him on track, but it is better if we have it more often. And yes, having couch time with your infant is good. We started with Zach as a baby and I think that is why he looks for it to be secure. Recommendation though……mommy needs to pay just as much attention to daddy. So don’t cook through couch time every night. Show your kids that dad’s day was important too.
Although, I must say, I sometimes think that couch time was created so that we women could use up some of our valuable “word limit” to our husbands. What a great invention and it helps your kids feel secure too. It’s a win win for everyone.!
Thanks for the reminder Angel….Even veteran GKGW parents need a “kick in the pants”.
My husband and I usually talk when I were are cooking dinner. However, we do have some couch time as well but not so often. We will definitely start doing it more. Thank you.
Okay, I completely agree. I think the most peaceful times for me is when my parents are affectionate and loving towards each other, even though I pretend like I’m going blind from the mush.