If I allow God to change me, then those that are around me will also change. Either God will change the people that are in my life, or the people that are in my life will allow God to change them.
~ Angel Cope
There was a time my husband and I were having a hard time in a particular situation. If we spoke about the subject, we would never see eye to eye. Ironically, he seemed to see things as I did until I pushed him to do something about it, and then he would pull back and play “devil’s advocate”. This seemed to pour salt in my insecure wounds. I needed his reassurance, but because it was so close to home for him, it was hard for him. Finally, seeking counsel from a wonderful woman, she told me “Look, you knew what you were marrying when you married him, and you need to decide are you going to be right, or are you going to be happy?” I humbly had to accept that this was the choice before me, and I told him I wanted to be happy. As I prayed for God to help my pain, my broken heart, He prodded me to take the first steps in restoring the situation. It was very hard for me. I will just say it; I had to ask for forgiveness of someone knowing I may have never received the same in return. It was so humbling, and required me to let go of my need to prove I was right, or get justice for myself. As I took that step, I cried over the words. Even as I said them, I felt healing pour over me. If all I had received came from that cleansing of that hate, it would have been enough. But God … A few days later I was returned with the same gesture. This person called me and we cried together and realized though we stood on polar ends our heart was the same, for restoration. In choosing to allow God to deal with me, those around me were open to let God deal with them.
This is one of many times God has required me to deal with my part in a relationship, or circumstance, before He could, or would, deal with another. It could have ruined my relationship with my husband, but it didn’t. I could have allowed my insecurity to feed that hurt and rejection. I wanted to. I almost did.
Instead, I had to choose to believe that my husband loved me, and not allow my thoughts to tell me otherwise. In believing that, I could let go of the offense that caused the strife to begin with. I was willing to let it go if I knew he loved me. But here is the thing: he could not do enough, say enough, or be enough to prove that he loved me. I could not believe that he loved me until I was willing to love and accept myself.
The scripture says to love your neighbor as yourself. But this scripture assumes you love yourself. Until you find that peace you will always struggle in your relationships no matter who you are with. The problem follows us because the problem is in us.
Being right was not going to make me happy, but choosing to be happy seems to make things right. Even if this person had not come to me, it would have been o.k. It would not have changed what God had done in me. There have been some relationships which I have tried to apologize, and reconcile things I have done wrong. It was not received. However, I was able to let them go. To not allow them to consume my thoughts and to forgive them though they have not forgiven me. I had a clear conscience that I had done all I could do to reconcile.
I can only change me; I cannot change any one around me, except through changing me. Who we are may not be why someone is the way they are. But when I change me I cause them to have to treat me differently. Sometimes, as we allow God to change us, we may even realize, looking back, that we were the ones who really needed to change.