Training a child(1)….”Rules Without Relationship Lead to Rebellion!”

Proverbs 22:6 says “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is grown he will not depart from it.”

Solomon by all standards was considered one of the wisest men who lived, so taking some tips from him may not be a bad idea. And if you have EVER been in church (or raised by parents who were) you are probably familiar with this verse. But what does it really mean?

Training a child involves teaching him/her the “why’s”. Why you are discplining them, or WHY the rules are what they are; using life as a time to explain things. For example, when my in-law’s dog was hit by a car, it was a great opportunity to teach my daughter why you must hold mommy’s hand crossing a street or parking lot. She now reminds me to hold her hand. She “gets” why the rule is there, and it is no longer arbitrary.

How many of us heard “because I said so” as a reason or answer to the “why’s” when we were growing up? And how many of us are guilty of using this line on our own children simply because we are tired of explaining why, or do not want to take the time to explain why.Did being told “because I told you so” seem like a good enough reason to follow the rules? Yes, there are some things that children must accept because they cannot fully understand, but it is still important for a child to know WHY the rules are what they are. When a child understands the reasons behind a rule, he/she is more likely to adhere to the rule, even when the parents are not around. This is the beginning of shaping their moral judgment, and this is what it means to “train” a child.

When I was younger and, because I was a preacher’s kid, several of my friends would ask why does God put such strict rules on us. As a teenager the one they hated the most was the “No Fornicating” part. My dad’s explanation was so simple yet I always thought it was the best way to describe laws, and the nature of God. He told me, “Angel, the laws of God are the same as the laws of the land, they are there to protect you not to hurt you or keep you from having a good time”. My dad’s definition of “law” is, this is the way it works. God is simply telling us how things work, if you as a teenager or unwed woman have sex it can and most likely will bring alot of pain to you.God, nor your dad wants to see that hurt. We love you too much and want to see you have all the things you want out of life.(And then he went on to tell me of the consequences of breaking that law. Pregnanncy,STD,etc.) So, it is because He loves us that He gives us the laws, or tells us ‘the way it works’.That made sense to me. Realizing that my dad, and God, loved me so much they would not keep me from something fun, but would warn me of something that could cause me pain was enough for me to want to listen to them, and I didn’t want to do anything that would hurt either one of them.
So my challenge to you is to take the time to explain the “why’s” behind the rules for your family. When disciplining, it is important to explain before and after the disciplining action why they are being disciplined (ie, “you are going in to time out because you broke this rule”) and then also explain the importance of the rule.I know the example I used was from my teenage years, but get in the habit of taking the time now, start now developing a relationship with your child. That they may always know it is your love that brings the rules.

“Rules without Relationship leads to Rebellion”.