As moms we can very so often get into a routine and rut. Even those who say they do not like routine can still get into rut. I do love routine, structure, but I do not like to be stuck in a rut. Doing the same thing over and over. Laundry, cleaning, cooking, errands, and so on. We sometimes use the excuse of mothering and being a spouse as an excuse for not doing more, but at the end of the day if we are bored and unsatisfied whose fault is it really?
My sister and I had a discussion about our ideas of being stay-at-home moms. She said “When I quit working I thought I would have time to go have lunch with a friend, and do more things, but everyone is too “busy” to go have lunch and hang out. This is true, as I have experienced it myself, but yet we complain about being lonely and bored. The problem is we get stuck in a rut, and even though we hate our rut, it is comfortable. So when there is an opportunity to do something different, some tend to stick with the rut.
Joyce Meyers says in her book “I Dare You” that “Even though I am in the center of God’s will for my life and I have definitely found God’s purpose for me, I still have to do things to keep myself from feeling stagnant and dull.” You can absolutely be thrilled to be a mom and/or a wife, whether a working one or Stay at home, and still be dissatisfied and bored with your life. If we do not take the time to try new things, and shake things up we will be bored no matter what we are doing or where we are in life.
If you have found yourself stagnant in life you may not need a major change, but simply a little shaking. Try actually going to lunch with a friend, fix your hair and put on your makeup for the day and feel good when you do. Can’t afford a nice lunch, go get coffee! (Get creative, not expensive. Mommy’s Morning Out programs, I have found take drop – ins. Which means you do not have to take them every week, but you could take them once a month! $15 for 4 hours in our area. Isn’t it worth it? You could not take your kids through the drive through once, and be able to afford that.) Don’t have a MMO in your area, here is an idea to get rid of being stagnant, start one! Most are done in a local church, you would be a blessing to other moms, you would have something productive to do, make a little extra cash, and have a great place to bring your own kids when you needed that day out.
Change up what you do on the weekend. Plan a date night, maybe a double date. Keep your marriage from being stagnant by not doing the same old thing. If you can’t afford an expensive date night, don’t make that an excuse. There are many options. 1) Do something nice at home, after the kids go to bed. Go sit out side under a blanket instead of in front of the t.v. or computer. You will get much better conversation out of him this way. Play a card game together, or whatever. Have another couple over for dinner. It saves money and you can put the kids in bed and then have better conversation. 2) Some churches and other places like “Little Gym” etc. are offering “Parents date nights” Which is as inexpensive as MMO. 3) Share a babysitter if you are going to go on a double date. Split a meal with your spouse when you go out to eat. Restaurants give you way too much food anyway. This is a great money saver for me and my hubby. 3) Again, coffee. A babysitter for 2 hours, you are talking about $15 -$20. Go to a coffee house, and sit. Enjoy the peace and quiet. and splurge $10 on coffee (or hot tea for those of you who do not like coffee)
If these things do not fulfill you find something in your community to volunteer, or even work part time, to do that would be a fun outlet to use your individual talents. I have for awhile now thought about going to work at Starbucks part time, only because it looks like fun to me. I like the atmosphere, and Lord knows I would “make” money by getting free coffee, and I love retail/customer service like that. Before I did though, I found another part time job which allows me to have a lot of contact with adults and other interesting people, and yet still do most of my work from home. Plus, my church started a small coffee shop where I now volunteer a few hours a week, and I love it! It is so much fun!
Of course the best way to fight stagnation and dissatisfaction, is to be thankful. When you begin feeling like life is not as good or as exciting as someone else’s, instead make a list of all the things you are blessed with in your life. Healthy children, a home, a car, a good husband, friends, family, you could go on all day if you really try.
I am as guilty as the next person about not doing the things to keep life interesting. But when I start becoming dissatisfied with myself, I know that it is not because I do not enjoy the parenting, and being a wife, etc. It is simply not getting outside myself, out of the boat, to do new things to keep life fun. John Ortberg, in his book “If You Want To Walk On Water (You’ve Got to Get Out of The Boat)” Said…
There is a danger in getting out of the boat, but there is a danger in staying in it as well. If you live in the boat (Whatever your boat might be), you will eventually die of boredom and stagnation.
This is all such good advice. Thanks for sharing.