“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God…” Romans 8:28
Let me set up a scenario for you, tell me what you think….
I have a friend, we have been friends for a long time. She has been off again/on again, but I always love to see her when she comes around. A few weeks ago she asked for my help, as she has done before. She would owe her gratitude to me if I would do this for her, she said. She knew I was the only one who could open this door for her and it would mean so much. I said yes without batting an eye, because I love her so much and wanted to help her anyway I could. She thanked me, told others what a great friend I was and that she knew the great things in her life would not be happening without me. (I did not need all that, but of course I appreciated the praise from one friend to the other)
Then last week she called me and needed another favor. I thought long and hard about it, and at first did not respond at all because I did not know how to tell her I could not do it. She pushed in a bit and I finally had to say “no, I can not do it”. She sobbed and cried to me, my heart broke, and I knew even if I gave her my explanation she would not be o.k. So I refrained from defending myself and simply said “I love you more than anything, and I HOPE you understand one day, but for now you will have to trust me, and our friendship, to know I would never hurt you…..
She did not. She went to those same friends to whom she had praised me the weeks before and told them that she could not believe I would not help her. She could not even trust me anymore and did not even know if she could be my friend. She told everyone she did not think I was a friend of my word, or even a friend at all… You can imagine my hurt. After a lifetime of friendship, ups and downs, good and bad, taking her in when she needed it, loving her when she was down, and letting her go when she wanted the “freedom” to strike out on her own. Welcoming her with open arms when she returned… Only to be trashed and dragged through the mud by someone I cared for so much.
Wouldn’t you be devastated? Have you ever experienced a relationship like that, Family, friend, spouse, etc.?
Now…. The story is true but the names are different. You and I are the friend, and God is the faithful one who can not always give us the things we ask for. The tears and pleading and the begging breaks him as much as it does us. But He has reasons we do not understand, and all he asks is that after all He has done; He asks us to know that He loves us and to trust Him even when we do not understand.
Maybe you say “Well what has he done for me?” Well, first let’s start with Saving you from hell,I think we can all agree that should be enough for eternal devotion. Given up your kids or someone you love for someone else? Then we can move on to the time you were in that accident and he spared you, the job you asked him for that you knew it had to be His hand to put you there, the marriage, the child, the car, the bill that got paid, the friend that called at the right moment when you cried for Him to show you that someone cared.
I know it seems sometimes that our Father is not fair, and plays favorites. But as a mom who hears my fair share of “That’s not fair” I can assure you He has reasons we are not mature enough to understand. I know there are things one child can handle that the other can’t, and it is not always the youngest versus oldest. Sometimes it is personalities, sometimes I say no because I have something different for that one though they just don’t know it yet…. and sometimes it IS maturity. But either way, life may not seem fair. God may not seem fair… But God always loves you and seeks the best for you. He will always bring you the best thing at the best time, though you can not see it now… That’s what we call Faith.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. Matthew 8:26-28
(p.s. Though the illustration may reflect images of real human relationships in my life, it is NOT! 😉 )
Right on time Word, Angel. Thanks. Need to mediate.
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Develyn
I just stumbled across your blog today and I was instantly hooked by your experience. I too have experienced something similar with a close friend. It’s difficult telling people “no” in general, but even more difficult to tell those we love “no.” I think your friend should be more understanding. I mean, she should see that you obviously would help her if you could, because you have already done so. You didn’t just say no the second time just because, you had your reasons. I’m sorry you had to s=experience this, but I do believe that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. I applaud your honesty with your friend, even if she didn’t get the answer she was looking for, you stayed true to her and yourself. Kudos!
It is indeed hard to say no to others and equally hard to keep from being hurt when they pass around things that do not seem equally as fair. We say life is not fair but it seems when it is us, who have to suffer that unfairness all of a sudden our own professing of grace shows.
Grace is about knowing that we will suffer for whatever we choose. Yes, no matter what we do we will have others who will take about us. Over the years many who have said horrible things either to my face or behind my back, now are coming to seek answers.
Have you not done the same as this friend. She was hurt and lacked grace and understanding. If you know your sister is offended go to her and have a talk with her and if you cannot resolve it seek a mediator, it is how Scriptures tell us to do such a thing. In giving so many details your friends and family will know who this friend is.
Also we will have many people in our lives who are very needy and unable to provide for them selves or do for them selves for one reason or another. Yes we will need to know what part we play in their lives, yet God often puts Lazarus’ in our lives to test our grace and depth of our own love. For myself I know I have failed some of these test because I just did not see through the eye of Christ into the other person’s life as well as I should have. Trying to make amends with an offended brother is harder than getting into a fortified city, Proverbs.
Over the years I have meet some very needy people and also have been in such situations myself. It is interesting when the shoe is on your foot just how differnt the picture looks.
Saying no can be done in such a way as to bring grace and love as well as pointing to the true giver of the situation, Christ. Grace, must always be the source of our understanding when it comes to others. Thank you for the reminder of both shoes. Mrs. J.
@Mrs. Jennings. I ran across your comment today. Don’t know why I have not seen it before now (My site was down for awhile) anyway… The story is not about a real friend in my life, except God being the friend always giving to me. 😉
I agree grace is the best way to go, and my favorite book of all time “To Kill A Mockingbird” teaches us to walk a mile in a man’s shoes. Every since I read that in Jr. High I have never forgotten it. There are times I have found myself walking in someone’s shoes after I have judged that exact situation. It is the most humbling experience to stand in a place that you have judged others and feel the judgement from OTHERS you have actually placed. Though I am FAR from perfect in not judging others I have become much more compassionate in my life and shake my head when I hear people speaking out hateful judgements. I shake because I actually feel for the person speaking it out because I want to scream “NO don’t do it, you have no idea what you are bringing on yourself!” 😉 And when I have realized I have judged someone unfairly I am quick to repent and asked God for HIS grace.