I bet you thought I was on a permanent vacation. Wishful thinking for us all. I did go to the beach with my gal pals in August. It was FABULOUS! I highly recommend R&R for all you ladies. It has done wonders for my outlook on life. When I decided that I would go on this long needed girl trip, I had 2 things that I was really looking to hear answers from the Lord about. One of those things was dealing with some emotional issues regarding my marathon adoption. I can’t say that I walked away from Panama City with all the answers, but I can say that God definitely gave me something to ponder.
Here is what I am pondering and praying for more revelation about even today. I truly believe that God destines each and every child to be in a family, whether biologically or by adoption. So….If this is my belief then I must trust God that He has and will equip me to be my children’s mother. Being a mother long distance brings a whole new meaning to this for me. And the question I have asked myself is this: Am I emotionally equipped to deal with this issue of long distance motherhood indefinitely? Because in reality that is how I am forced to look at it.
Many people already think that I have decided to move on just because we have added Gabe to our family. SO NOT TRUE! Every ounce of my being is still Mitchell Feri’s mom. But what does that look like? Here is what I have been hearing from the Lord about this issue and maybe it will help you too in your journey of motherhood.
When I took that small hand in mine in the airport, the reality of being another little man’s mom was very tangible. Now 3 years later, it is still very real in my mind when I let it be. Some days it is just too painful to realize that I haven’t touched my son for 3 years. But did God let me touch him and know him in person to keep me from him? NO! He let me know my 2nd son so that I could better be his mother. God chose me to be Mitchell Feri’s mom because He knew that I could handle it. He knew what I would have to become to be Mitchell Feri’s mom and that I would be willing to walk through it. God knew that not only was Mitchell Feri meant to be a Krause, but that I was meant to be his mom. God wanted to teach me and “grow me up†all while being a mom to a wonderful child.
Sometimes we miss the little things, and then they turn out to be really big things. If God hadn’t chosen me to be the mother of my children…I would not have grown to trust the Lord in the ways that I have. Case in point…..My scripture to live by has always been: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6 God has brought me squarely back to this in the last few weeks. He has taught me to trust while being an adopting mom. And you definitely don’t understand how it is all going to work out in the world of adoption. So you must constantly turn to the Lord to direct you in your own path and in the paths of your children. Quite simply, He does this for us, if we allow Him.
If you are questioning your ability to be a mom or wondering if you are ready to be a first time mommy,
just know that God chose you to be a mom. He will equip you if you will trust Him. And we all know that we should just try not to figure God out. Let God be God. Sit back, pray and watch God show you the path that motherhood will take you down. It is the best ride and some days the worst. But we will always be the mother of the best children in the world because they are ours and no one else’s.
Imagine….God did it all on purpose too.
I walked away from the beach knowing that I was glad to be Mitchell Feri’s mom, what ever that looks like. Now I must trust and lean on the Lord for the rest.
This one is for my Carolina Girls. Thanks for giving me the space I needed, the laughter, and a really great tan. I Love You ALL!!!!