Adoption…Connections: An Important Part of the Journey

Many of you that join us here at 1smartmom may have made the decision to grow your family by adopting or know someone who is on the journey. This month we will talk about some of the “in and outs” of private domestic adoption. In a previous post I mentioned that our 2 private domestic adoptions happened unusually quick. One took place within 60 days. The other in 4 months. This is not the norm.

Most private domestic adoptions take at least one year from paperwork to baby. A good agency or private adoption attorney should tell you that it will be 12 to 18 months. In our adoption experiences we were told this by the agency we began application with and by our attorneys that assisted us with our adoptions. Sometimes it can take longer. This depends on how much criteria you stipulate for your birth mom and potential child.

We had little criteria just a huge desire to have children. Which I believe was a key to getting both our boys so quickly
Agencies are great for 1st time parents. There is a lot of security in using an agency that has a good “track record”. They have a system in place and all of their employees are under one roof. They generally have more people involved in the adoption process, unless they are a new agency. New agencies are small and have less staff. They are more motivated to do a good job, because they do not have a history to report. This can work to your advantage in 2 ways: Better communication and lower fees. Things may be more personal. I talked with a year old agency over the phone a few times. The 2nd time I called the founder came to the phone and spoke with me. She was a beautiful lady and we connected. If Gabe had not rushed his way into our lives, we would have worked with this agency. (Even though it is not located in our city.) Those God connections with people will go a long way in a stressful situation such as adoption.

Adoption attorneys are a great resource also. We interviewed with an adoption attorney that is nationally known several years ago. It was an eye opening experience. We drove 17 hours to meet him and we expected a lot. We got almost 3 hours of his time and an education. Before we even entered his office we were required to watch a video of a parent interview. We learned about how he matched the birth moms with families. A concept that I feel is very important. In most adoption cases you are put on a list and basically wait your turn. It is important to keep the “who was there first” policy in the forefront in most situations, however, I wanted someone to work with that would be more in tune with what each child’s destiny would be. I learned this was possible within a system that was fair. We did not sign with this attorney due to finances, but our last attorney does the same type placement. She truly follows God in finding the right family for each birth mom. After 2 completed adoptions and one international adoption that seems never ending, I feel that looking for the right type of placement for your family is one of the most important things you should consider during your adoption journey.

The choice of agency vs. attorney for your private domestic adoption can be an exhausting search. Don’t wear yourself out, “go with your gut”. Ask people who have adopted in your area lots of questions. Both of our private adoptions have ended up with attorneys. We are so blessed. Upon meeting with each attorney there was a connection and trust that we knew would see us through our adoption. Look for those connections in your heart.

Remember the agency or attorney you choose will help you find the child God has destined for your family. In a sense they are God’s vehicle to get your child to you. You need to trust their judgment and advice. You also need to know that they have your best interest at heart. Birth moms are essential to the adoption world, but so are adopting parents. An attorney or agency needs to have a balance that makes both parties feel that they are equally essential to bringing a child’s destiny to fruition. Adoption is a big leap of faith and you have to know who to trust: First God, then yourself, and third your attorney or agency.

Just a short side note: The internet is fast becoming a good resource for adoption, but you still have to have legal counsel of some sort and a home study. Proceed with caution when talking with agencies and attorneys on the web. Make sure you call references.
You might start with a link right here on 1smartmom to “Holly’s Corner” and here adoption site “Hope to Adopt”. She has a great adoption site that I feel is very helpful and informative.

If you have any questions regarding adoption you would like to ask, please direct the e-mails to 1smartmom. I’ll be happy to help find the answers you need or dialog about your experiences.