Forgiveness is Freedom!

“Bitterness and an unforgiving spirit can be likened to you taking poison and expecting that someone else would die from the effect. Forgiveness is about setting the prisoner in your heart free only to discover that all along, you had been the real prisoner.” – ‘Tope Popoola, Clergy and Author

While I have heard this quote before, I read it on another blog and it was a fresh reminder. It has been a few months now that I had a particular situation in which I had to forgive someone of hurting me. I was so angry and conflicted by this person. Conflicted because occasionally I would catch glimpses of their positives and then they would tick me off again. It felt as if they intentionally were trying to hurt me, and I could not understand why.

My husband and I would argue about how to handle the situation, me ready to break some legs, and him wanting to ignore it. Neither was right. In all my life I have never really seen confrontation handled without loss of tempers and ugly words. I had also never seen anyone resolve differences by ignoring things. After exhausting ourselves with hours of talking and trying to decide how to deal with this person, we finally decided to pray and seek some counsel. I asked God to show me this person through His eyes. If I could see them the way He did, then I could understand why they did the things they did, and it could help me to forgive.

That has been a few months ago now. Shortly after that prayer I heard their life story. I cried for all they had been through. I did see why they respond and react to things the way they do. I understood their fear of being taken advantage of caused them to have a “take before you are taken” philosophy. I remembered that “hurt people hurt people”, and that was the case in this situation. Suddenly, true understanding and forgiveness came.
Does this mean that I condone or allow them to treat Ben and I ill? NO! Does it mean that they have changed? NO! It means I have changed my approach and the way I process it. Now we understand that it is not personal. (although we have to remind ourselves sometimes frequently)

Here is what forgiveness has done for me: It has allowed our marriage to have peace. This person no longer consumes my thoughts, and I am not angry with them anymore. I am FREE of the hold that they had on me. I have let go of the feeling like I had to justify or prove that I was right. It was as if the weight had been lifted off of me. Someone once described unforgiveness as a string that holds you to that person. As long as you are holding onto that string of hurt and anger to not release them, you have also bound your self.

Here was where I knew God had done something in me. When I heard of things going on in their life, things that I had even imagined happening to them, I felt sorry for them and wanted to pray for them. That is when I knew true forgiveness had come.