Two of my very best friends are single. One lives in Washington, D.C. yet is originally from the south. While she believes in southern hospitality and all that goes along with it, the guys in D.C. do not, and apparently neither do the women who constantly think she should go out with a guy after he made her split the check. He would pay for a client he is wooing, right?
Plus, as those of us who are married know, once you are married even when he “gets the bill” it is no longer the same. You no longer think, “awwwe he spent that much on me for dinner, how sweet”. Now you think “Do you know how many diapers I could have bought for that, or shoes!”
My husband and I were friends before we dated. When I went home for Christmas I went out with another guy friend. He took me out and payed for my dinner and movie. When I came back my sister, in her attempts to make Ben move, told everyone I went on a date with a very cute guy. (Who was cute, but I digress… 🙂 ) The next time Ben and I went out to dinner as “friends” I brought it up in casual conversation, and told him “My dad’s philosophy is if a guy picks up the check you are on a date. That goes both ways. If you go out with a “Friend” and he pays, you are on a date. If you go out on a date, and he makes you pay, you do not consider this a date. “ Then a few minutes later I excused myself to the restroom. When I came back the bill had come, and mine was paid for. This is how the lines were made clear, we were no longer “just friends”.
I found this comic for my dear friends who find it hard to be “wooed”. What do you think, married women, is it necessary for the guy to pay for your dinner? Throw your opinions in.
I am from the old school and a southern girl at that. Yes a guy should pay. If you are on a date then he should pay, for sure.
I dated a good bit before I married and sometimes would even meet a good guy friend of mine for dinner to talk things out. Know what? He paid. He was gentleman deluxe and would have never dreamed of letting me pay and we weren’t on a “date.” I promise on my honor it never went to be more than friends. However…I do have one minor exception. If you are seeing a guy more than twice a week and it entails $ each time. You could at least offer to pay. Dating can get expensive. So sorry for your D.C. friend. I thought that D.C. being in Virginia would still have some southern roots.
As for dates and marriage. You’re right it is just not quite the same.
Let’s talk dollars here, shall we?
I spent
$40 on a new sweater
$35 for new nails
$65 for a hair trim
$20 for my new earrings
AND I had to pay for dinner.
If I had known that I was going to have make a small car payment in order to go out with Mr. Cheap, I would have shown up in Target-wear, with nails by Mabeline and my hair in a purple scrunchy I fished from the bottom of a plastic bin at Wal-mart, and lets not forget those ghetto hoops from the dolla sto’. I then would have suggested we split something from the dollar menu at Taco Bell.
But noooooooo, I had no idea I would put so much money into a date then split the check at an expensive restaurant.
I was ROBBED!
Signd,
Single in DC
Amen! I was born, trained, educated, and blessed, to be a gentleman with morals and manners credited to the “South”. It is a fact of history that a man in pursuit of a woman has always paid for the “privilege” of her company. I know the gals of the 60’s and later are divided as to being “one of the guys’ or a woman. It seems this also caused more guys to wonder if they are “one of the gals”. My life has seen a lot of changes in society in America, and as everyone knows, we Southerners are “slooooow” and hard to train. Well let it be known, we gentlemen of all lands understand we are going to pay for the things women can bring to our life. It will be a life time project for our chosen lady to change us, but the one thing a wife will not try to change is that “WE PAY” when we take them out for a meal. Since this seems to be the one “holy ground” issue than endures after the “I does”, I stand with the wisdom learned by observation, training by my father, and history; the man pays for the meal in public, even if she brings the tickets for the evening. It is a matter of respect and honor to her publicly, that she is not a “buddy”, but a special “creature” in his eyes. Secondly, a group of gals will get the calculator out to equally divide the meal ticket, but a group of guys fight for the honor of the ticket, no matter what class the restaurant. Why would you ladies want to take that honor from a man? Could it only be to make a public statement that you are not involved, beyond friendship? Thus; gal/guy friends would/could split, guy and gal friends that don’t split are on a date! It is the natures of the beast, let history prevail!
I am a married woman and still feel that a man should pay. When my husband and I were dating he paid for everything. Even before I met my husband the guys that I dated always paid. In today society men are stupid and women need to open their eyes and stop being “silly women” as I called them and start weeding out the males from the men. There are males and then there are men.
There are some interesting comments above. I think the South has a lot of good things going for it! Some of those things include courtesy, manners, consideration of others, a little more gentile sytel of life, a slower pace (at times), and gentlemen. I am a little bit older than Angel, and my generation taught girls to be ladies and boys to grow up to aprpeciate women and treat them right. Of course there were elements in the southern society that did not learn (and it true in every society), but as a whole, southern men paid the way on a date.
As I got older just before I married, I did find myself in some business settings where I paid my own way, only because it was only fair. But if I ever “let” a guy buy me lunch or dinner, I was making a statement of interest as well.
I agree that men ought to pay on the date.
Being born and raised in South Carolina and lived in Georgia over 25 years, I totally agree we really know how to do things in the South! If a male invites a female to do anything, he should foot the tab always! That’s the way it is. After marriage, the money is shared by both so it doesn’t matter who pays. It’s just nice for the man to pay if they go out to celebrate special occasions or for “date night”. I was married for 24 years (husband died) and he always paid when we were dating. Many times he “shared” my expenses when we went grocery shopping, picked up things for the home, etc. There were times after marriage when I signed the credit slip but mostly he did. He always made me feel like a very loved and cherished woman. That’s how it should be! There’s a reason Woman was made from the rib of Adam ~ we came from his side to walk with him, help him, love him, be cherished by him, be aided by him, be protected by him. We still have the ability to stand on our own, tho, and many of us do ~ and do it VERY well! But still expect him to pay when he invites us . . . . .
My best friend says the man should always pay.
I pay for myself if I don’t ever want to see him again, LOL.
Being both southern born and of Cuban heritage I have
always been taught to treat all women with courtesy and respect.
Paying to enjoy a womans company would not be a question.