“Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn’t for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked – or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you’re capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.” Matthew 19:11-12 (The Message)
I have never read this verse quite like this before. Then I read 1 Corinthians 7. You know where some say Paul thinks you should not get married? And wow! What a different perspective than what I have read before.
Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them. (1 Corinthians 7:1-6)
Marriage is not easy, or for the faint-hearted. If you have been married any length of time, you know this. It seems to me as I read both what Jesus and Paul had to say about marriage, that they had the same problem in their society that we have in ours. “Not happy in your marriage, get out! Wife put on baby fat, and you are not attracted to her anymore, find someone else. Husband not giving you the attention you want, find someone who will”… Even the disciples told Jesus “If those are the terms of marriage, we’re stuck. Why get married?”
But the rewards for sticking it out are so great. I love Dr. Bob Paul’s analogy of marriage and family (National Institute Of Marriage). Marriage and Family are like a baseball team. When you are on the same team you either all win, or you all lose. The same is true in marriage, you are on the same team. If one of you walks away defeated, then you have both lost.
God has really been dealing with me in allowing him to have every detail of my life. Recently my feelings were (not intentionally) hurt by my husband. I responded the same way I always have in the past … which I will not divulge. 🙂 Well, of course, we never really walk away with the result we wanted. In that instance we realized both of us lost. He might have done what I asked, but I had not really gotten what I wanted.
Holy-Spirit really convicted me that I was not trusting Him (Holy-Spirit) to make my marriage what I wanted it to be. Do you ever feel like it is your duty to inform your spouse of what you need? I am huge on communication. I have to tell him what I need, or he will not know, and he will for sure screw it up! Well, in most instances when I try to “educate” him, I never walk away feeling like either of us have won. Do you? Here is what I know Holy-Spirit showed and reminded me of.
– I am not my husband’s Holy Spirit. It is not my job to “convict” him of his responsibilities of husband.
– Allowing Holy-Spirit to do His job, will produce far greater results in my marriage, with far less conflict.
– He reminded me of all the times in my relationship with Ben when I allowed Holy-Spirit to have control of the circumstances, and how I always got what I needed… ALWAYS!
Now, I am not saying I have got this down. I am human as we all are. We all have a natural tendency to “Take care of me”. But God promises that the servants heart allows Him to move on your behalf, and you are guaranteed to get better results.
Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights. “Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God. You never know, husband: The way you handle this might bring your wife not only back to you but to God.”
1Corinthians 7: 3-4, 17
Oh how true this is. I really have enjoyed your blog. Thanks for sharing.
I like how the message says those things. It gives it a fresh perspective. We do need to let the holy spirit convict our spouse and get out of the way. I think it’s o.k. to also tell our spouse what we need and of course it’s up to them if they do it or not and the rest is up to God. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I remember us talking after you and Ben had a disagreement and you said something that I have used in many situations, you said that you could be right or you could be happy. It is absolutely true.
That goes for marriage, bosses, family, etc.
It was a great point.