Baby Steps; Only Five, Ten, Fifteen Minutes.

Ok, I spend a lot of time reading about order. Establishing goals, and how to reach them. Bringing an end to the chaos in my home, and my life. It seems everywhere I look for these answers there is a common thread. BABY STEPS! Baby step your way to Financial Freedom. Baby Step your way to a clutter free home. Eat4Today daily takes baby steps to a healthier lifestyle. And even Jill Koenig says any goal you want to reach means daily taking even the smallest step towards that goal. BABY STEPS!

Then, this months issue of REAL SIMPLE , my new favorite magazine, is all about what you can do in fifteen minutes or less. Cook a Healthy Dinner, Speed Clean Your House, Banish a Bad Mood, Declutter your car, Get some Exercise, these are just a few straight from the cover.

I decided to set a timer for fifteen minutes, I was going to sweep and mop as many rooms in the house as I could before the timer went off. I did My kitchen, and both my bathrooms, and went on to fold half a load of laundry before the timer went off. Do you know that bathrooms, and mopping, are my most dreaded task? It took me less than fifteen minutes to mop all the rooms in my house! I have probably spent more time in my day trying to avoid doing them than it actually took to do it.

Try it today, I want to know what is your most dreaded task, and how much of it did you get done in fifteen minutes or less?

FLY: Finally Loving Yourself

“She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. She carefully watches all that goes on in her household and does not have to bear the consequences of laziness.” (Proverbs 31:15,27 NLT)

Those of you who have been reading my site regularly probably have gathered that I am a flylady fan. “FLY,” by the way, stands for Finally Loving Yourself. This site is full of so much to help you get your whole life organized, ordered, decluttered, and peaceful. Yet she breaks everything into simple baby steps. I am what she calls a “fly baby”. She believes, as I do, that we have to bring order, and balance to body, soul, and spirit.

One of the first baby steps is to “get dressed to your shoes everyday”. (Please click on and read this link, it is short but important as to why getting yourself dressed is key!) I had already started doing this before I even found flylady. It makes a big difference in your day. Even if you are going nowhere, you still need to get up, take a shower, fix your hair, and put on your clothes to your shoes. If you need an extra pick me up, put on your jewelry and your makeup. This is not about anyone but you, showing yourself that you are important enough to take time for you. If you are the only person that sees you today, don’t you want to be left with a good impression of you?!

I start my day with a morning routine. This has become so important to me, that I want to do it even on the weekends. Why? Because it is my time, my time to myself, my time with God! I get up about an hour and a half before the rest of my family. Yes, this means about 5-5:30 every morning. If I were working a job outside of the home, I would care about the way others saw me enough to make time to put myself together. Well, I care enough about the way I, as well as my children and husband, see me to make time to put myself together. This only takes about 20-30 minutes including my shower and fixing my hair. However, there is more to my time in the mornings. Here is what it looks like:

5 am- hit the snooze 2 or 3 times 😉
5:30 am- actually get up and take my shower, get dressed and fix my hair.
6 am- Start the coffee. (While I wait for it, I unload the dishwasher, now it is empty and ready for breakfast dishes)
6:15- Coffee, devotional, prayer, and/or read my current book
6:45 – I get on the computer, write and post my blog, check my email, and bank account.
7:15 or 7:30- I get my girls and hubby up for breakfast, and the craziness starts!

I cannot begin to tell you how much implementing just these two things has done for me. My entire day goes smoother, and I am a much happier mommy to my kids. I probably would not be able to do this blog if I did not have this time. My self esteem is different. My morning is not as chaotic, because I can give my girls and my husband my undivided attention. I am ready for the day physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

I challenge you to do this for yourself, for 30 days straight (weekends too)! Wait ’til you see how much better Sunday mornings are when you are dressed and ready before anyone else gets up!) You may not have to get up an hour and a half early, you may not blog and such. But even to have 30 minutes to get yourself ready and 15-20 minutes of quiet time to order your day, I promise at the end of thirty days you will feel like your whole life is different. And I want to know about it!

I want you to know that I get nothing for supporting flylady’s site or concepts. She has no idea who I am! I just want to share this because it has changed my life so much!

Questions on Bullies and Spanking

I received two very great questions today. I wanted to pass them along, as well as my response. Thanks Becky for your questions!

Question:
How do I teach my 3 yr old daughter to defend herself from pushing, and toy grabbing friends? I want her to learn to be self sufficient with out aggressive behaviors or tattle telling. Is this possible?

Answer: Excellent question! And a tough one. I am the same way, I want my child to come to me when there is something seriously wrong, but I also want them to learn to resolve their own conflicts. Three years may be a little young, though.

I assissted a preschool teacher who would say, “I didn’t see it, work it out, or you both will go to time out”. That helps with the tattling, and alot of times the fight is not worth it to them. But occasionally you get a child who “works it out” with aggression. The thing to do at that point is walk them through the steps of standing up for themselves. Ask them what they did to resolve the conflict and have them go to the child first. Here is an example. “Emily tell Sydney how you feel about her taking your toy, then tell her to please give it back. Tell her you can play together if she will share and play nicely. THEN if she is not willing come tell me, and I will get involved.”

Remember that children do not have the social skills we do, and let’s face it, we do not like confrontation anymore than our children do! This is a learning process and they will not get it over night, but you will begin to see some of the tattling halted.

The aggressive behavior is normal, however has to be addressed. Anytime there is aggression there has to be consequences. Once you have dealt with that, and they have apologized for their behavior then you can deal with the conflict itself. If my child is the aggressor I have not allowed them to have the toy back, even though the other child may have taken it. My reasoning is to teach her that violence is never the answer even if they are violent, and it will not get you what you want.

If their is a child that is constantly aggressive to your child, you may want to talk to the parent about it. I know how difficult this is, especially if that person is a friend, family member,etc., but we will teach our children how to deal with confrontation by the way we deal with it. My sister and I each have two girls, both sets are the same age. We have to be very clear with each other about what is going on with our children. Truthfully I have had parents talk to me about Emily in different situations, and I want to know.

Question: How do you handle a 3 year old who is fighting the spanking? She is pushing us away and telling us “no”. She puts her hands in the way so that we can’t get to her legs. We are keeping our cool and keeping the communication going. How do we not make this such a dramatic situation.

Answer: I know dealing with spanking is hard. And as my sister says she knows there are times she should spank, but she can’t stand the drama of implementing it.

I tell Emily from the get go. “Emily you are getting 3 licks If you fight me I am adding two licks”. This helps alot, they know they are going to be punished for
fighting you. A good starting position (as in start out this way, don’t wait until they are fighting you) is with you sitting, and them in between your legs, lay her over one leg with her bottom in the air. Your other leg clamps on her legs, so she can not kick them. Then your arm can hold her upper half, or arms, while you give licks with your other hand.

Another tip, is you sit so that you are not using your body as a form of aggression, and make them come to you! Chasing them will make you either loose your cool or give up, thus they win, and you have lost the power.

There is some amount of resistance they can not help, because it is natural to jerk when hit. However, it is the drama that gets to me. Remember, if the drama causes you to loose it, just put her in time out if she absolutely will not come to you, when she calms down explain what she did wrong, and how many licks she is getting. She still gets the spanking because the time out is because of the tantrum itself, not the original crime. At first it will take some time involved, but it will still be less stressed for you, and she will learn to accept the punishment and get it over with.

Pastor Justin Harley, lead counselor and licensed Psychologist in my church, says “once you have raised your voice and lost your temper they have gained the control”. The same is also true for chasing them around the house. Anytime I raise my voice, I remember this, and have to regain control of myself and the situation.

Establishing Goals With Your Children.

We all want to start the New Year off right. We have talked about what we want from ourselves this year, but what about for our children? We want them to be successful this year, and I know there are some habits I would like to establish in Emily and Anna. Anna will be 2 in February, so right now we are working on coached cleaning,(I will write about that tomorrow), and listening when mommy says stop. Like, “Stop, do not run in the road!” 🙂 Emily is five. She is working on tying her shoes, listening the first time, and doing tasks alone (like making her bed, etc.)

I have often given rewards to my children. Emily loves doing a behavior/chore chart. Every time she gets a sticker for not talking back all morning, or making her bed on her own, it is a small reward just to put the sticker on the chart. She can see how well she is doing, as can mommy and daddy.

We have decided to give big rewards for filling the chart. For example, Emily did not get the “baby alive” doll that was so hot at Christmas, because well you could not find them, and I was not paying twice the price on ebay for a doll that poops. To me it is right up there with Poop Scoopin Barbie (Yes, they exist.) But I digress. Her cousin DID get one. ( My lovely sister, note the sarcasm, called every store in Atlanta, and drove across town to get the LAST ONE!) So to avoid too much disappointment we told Emily if she can go two months filling her charts, then we will buy her this doll. I have even considered buying it and sticking it on top of the refrigerator as an incentive, but I think it would simply drive us both bat-crazy. So instead I have decided to put a picture of the doll beside the chore chart. Visualizing a goal is just as important for a child as it is for an adult.

The first step to establishing goals with your children is talk with them about what they and you would like to see happen this year. Second, write them out. If they are older have them write out the list, if not help them write it. Third, create a chart for them so they can see their progress. Think if you establish the habit in them to set goals and accomplish them, how far that will take them. The possibilities are endless!

Because of my perfectionism I hate creating a chart, it is never pretty or good enough. I found this site online, Dltk-cards. They offer FREE customizable charts. You can create certificates, and awards as well; then just print them off your computer. They have princess characters, spongebob, veggietales, all kinds of great stuff to decorate it with. You can give them rewards and certificates for “1 night of watching anything you want to watch on t.v./ No adult shows”, or “this certificate is good for one movie and popcorn”, “For good behavior you are awarded one extra hour of bed time”. Get creative, kids can be rewarded without toys, if this is your concern. The point is to help them establish good habits, even a habit of setting and fulfilling goals!

Making Every Minute Count

As all moms, I am a very busy one. It doesn’t seem to matter whether you work outside of the home or not. While I am a stay at home mom, my sister has worked a full time job for the last 3 years. She would always roll her eyes when I would say how overwhelmed I felt by all I had to do. I mean, she had to do all I had to do and work a full time job right?

She quit her job about 6 weeks ago, and I have laughed ever since. It seems that there is not as much time as she thought there was going to be. But how can that be? Doesn’t she still have the same amount of children, the same house to clean, and the same errands to run, and without a full time job? Yes, she does. However, now she has time to go work out, but that is time out of her day she didn’t use to do. Now, she can volunteer to do more for her daughter’s class and be at the activites at the school, all of them! Something she didn’t do before. Now, my mother calls her when she needs something done, instead of me, because surely Jo Anna has time now that she does not work. And then the worst time eater is putting things off because we have plenty of time to do them. Does this sound familiar?

The point is while most all that now fills my sister’s time is more of a pleasure, working out, being able to be there for her daughter’s special things, etc., she is still a very busy mom. We have both learned very quickly that if you do not establish your priorities, someone else will establish them for you.
It is in the day to day things that we become overwhelmed, take on too much, or waste time doing nothing. Yet,it is the day to day things that reveal your priorities, create patterns in our life, and that your children will remember most.

We must remember to make every minute count, because how we spend our days is how we spend our life. But how do we do this? Here are a few tips I have found.
1- Learn to say no. Even though it may be good to do, you have to ask yourself “is this the BEST way to spend my time?”.
2- Avoid Procrastinating. Make idle time useful. My “time-eater” is the television. I am so guilty of spending my children’s nap time in front of the television and zoning out. Then when they are awake I need to clean, and fold laundry and all the things that take away from being with them. I have to consciously restrict myself, so that I am making use of my time. I love Flylady’s philosophy, she uses 5, 10, and 15 minute increments to do everything. Anyone can find time in between different activities to do a little here and there, freeing your time later.
3- Decide what IS important, and let nothing steal that from you. Spending time with your children, spending time with yourself, time with God, whatever it is that is important to you, make a conscious effort everyday to take a step towards that thing. Otherwise, you will find at the end of the day, the greatest things were sacrificed for the good thing.

What Is the Key to Your Freedom?

With all the New Years Resolutions being made what do you think God is asking of you this year? What is the next step in making yourself whole, and complete? What broken thing can only God piece back together?

Sunday, Decemeber 31st God asked me to do something. It was something He had asked me to do before, and I didn’t. I knew that I had been disobedient the first time, and I was so upset with myself. Then on Sunday He asked again. This time I was obedient. It was the hardest thing I have done in a long time, because it required me to step way out of my box. And guess what, I was rejected, as I feared. When Ben and I got home, I cried for along time. I asked God to please show me why HE asked me to do something he knew was going to cause me to be rejected. Ben asked me, “Angel, which hurt more being disobedient to God, or being rejected by man.”

After I prayed, I received a phone call. A friend, Katrina, said God impressed on her that today was the day that Angel had stepped through a door. And things I had been struggling with was going to fall off of me. (Interestingly enough, My pastor had also spoke that day of 2007 being the year we would begin to see doors opened.) I knew then that God asked me to do something so that I could find freedom for myself, it was a key to a door I could not open. Think of the things you could do, would do, if you did not fear what man thought of you. If that was the only thing God had done in me it would be enough.

Faith Lifts asks “What keeps you from believing that God can restore the parts of your life that feel dead or broken? What is the “something more” that God may be calling you to?”
In writing out your desires you want for 2007 (remember there is power in writing things down) ask God what He wants you to believe for this year. I know that this year is going to be my best one yet!

Broken.


For Friday, I simply wanted to share this video/song. I know that the holidays are not always happiness and joy. I know that sometimes we can not understand why we are going through things, we wonder what we did to deserve this. There is not always an answer that we will understand, but there will be better days. I love the words to this song, “When you’re broken in a million little pieces, and you’re trying, but you can’t hold on anymmore, every tear falls down for a reason. Don’t you stop believing in yourself…No matter how much your heart is aching,there is beauty in the breaking”

Forgiveness is Freedom!

“Bitterness and an unforgiving spirit can be likened to you taking poison and expecting that someone else would die from the effect. Forgiveness is about setting the prisoner in your heart free only to discover that all along, you had been the real prisoner.” – ‘Tope Popoola, Clergy and Author

While I have heard this quote before, I read it on another blog and it was a fresh reminder. It has been a few months now that I had a particular situation in which I had to forgive someone of hurting me. I was so angry and conflicted by this person. Conflicted because occasionally I would catch glimpses of their positives and then they would tick me off again. It felt as if they intentionally were trying to hurt me, and I could not understand why.

My husband and I would argue about how to handle the situation, me ready to break some legs, and him wanting to ignore it. Neither was right. In all my life I have never really seen confrontation handled without loss of tempers and ugly words. I had also never seen anyone resolve differences by ignoring things. After exhausting ourselves with hours of talking and trying to decide how to deal with this person, we finally decided to pray and seek some counsel. I asked God to show me this person through His eyes. If I could see them the way He did, then I could understand why they did the things they did, and it could help me to forgive.

That has been a few months ago now. Shortly after that prayer I heard their life story. I cried for all they had been through. I did see why they respond and react to things the way they do. I understood their fear of being taken advantage of caused them to have a “take before you are taken” philosophy. I remembered that “hurt people hurt people”, and that was the case in this situation. Suddenly, true understanding and forgiveness came.
Does this mean that I condone or allow them to treat Ben and I ill? NO! Does it mean that they have changed? NO! It means I have changed my approach and the way I process it. Now we understand that it is not personal. (although we have to remind ourselves sometimes frequently)

Here is what forgiveness has done for me: It has allowed our marriage to have peace. This person no longer consumes my thoughts, and I am not angry with them anymore. I am FREE of the hold that they had on me. I have let go of the feeling like I had to justify or prove that I was right. It was as if the weight had been lifted off of me. Someone once described unforgiveness as a string that holds you to that person. As long as you are holding onto that string of hurt and anger to not release them, you have also bound your self.

Here was where I knew God had done something in me. When I heard of things going on in their life, things that I had even imagined happening to them, I felt sorry for them and wanted to pray for them. That is when I knew true forgiveness had come.

Unfinished Dreams.

The Holidays are nearly over. 🙁 Sad as it is for me, I do look foward to the new year. Of course in the looking forward there is also the looking back. Wondering, “Where has this year gone?”! While I have seen so much accompished this year, there is so much left undone. With all of the New Year’s resolutions Ben and I have already made, we have a very busy year ahead of us. (I guess that is a good thing, have you ever heard the phrase “If each of us have so many things to accomplish on this earth, I am so far behind I will never die!”?)

In thinking about all I want to do this year, and with my life in general, I was inspired by Jill Koenig and a story she shared on her blog a few days ago. She wrote about the Christmas song that almost never was. A very lonely Russian Song writer who had moved to Beverly Hills without his wife and children had written part of a song and put it away. Two years later he decided to finish it. Written by a man who could neither read nor write musical notation, it had fifty-four words, sixty-seven notes, and became the most sold song in the world. It is now considered a Christmas classic, and has been recorded over and over by different artist and featured in many movies, one of which shared the same title as the song. The author: Irving Berlin. The song: White Christmas.

Out of the hundreds of songs that this music-illiterate Russian immigrant wrote he is most remembered for the song that almost never was. We don’t really know why he put it away, or even why he pulled it out again. But the important thing is he did!

Jill asks us “What unfinished project, idea, or dream do you have stored away somewhere?” What gift do you hold that you have not released to the world yet? Maybe when you started it, or thought about starting it, it wasn’t the right time. Maybe you thought you couldn’t do it because you were not skilled enough, or good enough. Maybe now you wonder if it is too late. It is not! Make 2007 a year to dust off the old dreams, ideas and plans, and finish the race that you have started!

Take the small baby step: Simply sit down today and write out what your goals are for 2007. Remember there is power in writing things down!

Jill Koenig, the “Goal Guru” is America’s Top Goal Strategist.
A Best Selling Author, Coach and Motivational Speaker, she is
an expert on the subjects of Goal Setting, Time Management and
Business Success. Her passion in life is helping you achieve
your Goals and unleash your untapped potential. Learn cutting
edge Goal Strategies and get your FREE ebook at GoalGuru.com
(Not an affiliate, just an excellent resource!)

Merry Christmas!

Cope Family Christmas Card '06

We want to thank everyone who reads this blog, and especially those that contribute with your comments. I have loved every minute of it, and hope to continue doing this for a long time! My prayer for you is that all your dreams come true, that you live a life full of joy, and that you always remember the things that are most precious. If you know God, I pray you find a deeper level of intimacy, and live the “love, acceptance, and forgiveness” life that He wants us to share. And if you do not know him yet, I pray you will know the personal relationship with Jesus as we celebrate His birthday! It is the greatest thing I have ever experienced! See you after the holidays! Merry Christmas!