The behavior that gets rewarded gets repeated!
I was in the store with my daughter yesterday and there was a toddler screaming at her Grandma. Having no choice but to overhear the conversation, I heard the Grandma tell the child she could have a “BRATZ” doll. (Ok, side note, I can not BELIEVE a doll called Bratz is actually outselling Barbie!) Well, the child decided that she did not want a Bratz doll, but something else. She began screaming at the top of her lungs what she wanted. The grandmother attempted to calmly tell her she could have whatever she wanted if she would stop screaming and just be patient. The child continued to scream, “NO NOW, NO NOW!” over and over until Grandma finally conceded to go to the toy department and get the toy right then. My daughter looked at me and said, “I would not have gotten anything if I had acted like that, would I mommy?” I replied with “You got that right!” It was the most outrageous scene I have witnessed in a long time.
It is clear to see that the child has quickly learned that she will be rewarded if she just screams at her Grandma long enough. She has not been rewarded for good behavior but for naughty. So why would she behave?
In this moment I would have left the store and not gotten a single thing for my child, even if I had to return later to do what I needed. (And I have had to do that before! Once I actually left a buggy full of groceries to take my daughter home right then.) This will let your child know that you MEAN business.
Christiane Northrup, M.D, and author of “Mother-Daughter Wisdom” says that children who never hear “no” have emotional issues as adults, such as anxiety and depression, as well as physical problems, like ulcers and headaches. This is because as an adult they have to hear “No”, and things do not always go their way. As adults they are totally blindsided that the world does not revolve around them. So while you may think indulging your child will make for a happy childhood, it doesn’t make for a healthy adult. Isn’t our goal to raise healthy, balanced children who grow into healthy, balanced adults? To love your child is to discipline your child. The wisest of men know this:
Proverbs 13:24 — “If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don’t love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline…”
Proverbs 29:17 — “Discipline your children, and they will give you happiness and peace of mind.”