One of the most thorough research projects on relationships is called the Alameda County Study. Headed by a Harvard social scientist, it tracked the lives of 7,000 people over nine years. Researchers found that the most isolated people were three times more likely to die than those with strong relational connections.
People who had bad health habits (such as smoking, poor eating habits, obesity or alcohol use) but strong social ties lived significantly longer than people who had great health habits but were isolated. In other words, it is better to eat Twinkies with good friends than to eat broccoli alone. ~John Ortberg excerpt from “Everybody’s Normal”
When my Pastor quoted this passage a couple of Sunday’s ago my sister and I quickly agreed that she and I would, together, live forever. 😉 Seriously though, WOW! We hear so much about needing to eat right, exercise, and watch our weight. We are constantly bombarded with all the different diet “formulas”, and we hear over and over about the importance of vitamins, and which supplements to take to have healthier, longer lives, but it turns out the most important ingredient of all is relationships!
Even God said “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Here was a profound statement from my Pastor, that God in all his glory whom Adam walked with and had full access to, was not enough for him. He needed relationship with his own kind, thus God created woman. It is easy for us to isolate ourselves with our busyness, and we often use the excuse that we have so much going on. Yet how much are we actually communicating and pouring into and receiving from other relationships? We no longer reach outside of ourselves into our community. Still we are more busy, more tired, and more sick than ever.
Isolation unto ourselves can cause us to lose perspective. One woman told me that when she counseled with other people and then came home at the end of the day her problems seemed so insignificant. The irritating things about her life weren’t that big of a deal when looking at the bigger picture. Now that she stays at home, she does not have the reminders and sometimes forgets about how blessed she is. As for me, I find that even having single friends helps my perspective. There are times when I talk to my single friends and they talk about dating, and how hard it is. I remember that the grass is not greener on the other side. I also remind them to not marry unless they find the right one, and to not settle, because marriage is full of its own problems and struggles as well, and you want it to be with someone who is going to cherish you and work at this thing as hard as you do.
Joyce Meyers wrote in “The Confident Woman” of two seas that the Jordan River flows into. The first is life-giving; children play and swim there, and it is full of fish, and life, and trees grow by its shore. The second has none of those things. It has no life, no fish, no trees. The water is so full of salt that you would float if you tried to swim in it. The first one is the Sea of Galilee, where Jesus taught and could often be found. The second, I am sure you have guessed, is the Dead Sea. One has life, the other death. Why? They both form from the same river. Yet only one both receives and gives freely, and breeds life. The other takes in, gives nothing of itself, is isolated, and death is all that is there. I have even recently heard reports on the news that the Dead Sea is slowly disappearing, half of what it was, and no one knows why.
Think about that for a moment … the difference between life and death is giving of what you have and receiving from others what you don’t.
Take the time to have a cup of coffee with a friend, or a few. Pour into them, and allow them to pour into you. Take time to sit with your family at the dinner table and spend time with those you work so hard to give a good life. Nurture your relationships! “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another …” (Hebrews 10:24-25)
Amen sister! I have been very selective in who I have closen to keep close company with as I’ve moved into my 30’s. It’s nourishment to my soul and body to keep positive, respectful, nonjudgmental, honest, loving and encouraging friends in my sphere of influence. I’ve purposefully sought out people who keep their eyes on the bigger picture and not just on themselves. Jill and I hold each other up and don’t allow brain drains and emotional vacuums to fill up the time we should be using to build relationships with those who have vision and purpose and hold up those who need a boost of support now and then to pursue their passion.
“Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.”
Amen! What a great reminder. Our world feeds a self-centered type of thinking and I am amazed at how this type of thinking even affects us Christians! Pouring into others is so key and I want to remind those reading this that if someone is pouring into you – please remember to pour back into them! Too often the “givers” get taken advantage of – while God will bless them – there is nothing like someone here on earth to bless them as well!
And I agree with you when it comes to the marriage/single perspectives. Being single and looking into a marriage reminds me to walk around the decision several times before I sign the contract. And then Jesse takes Tracy on a cruise around the Mediterranean islands and I think, it might be worth the work if I got a guy who takes me to wade in the Dead Sea on Easter Sunday. Till then, I’m sleepin’ in on Saturday mornings!!!
“I’ve been trying to join the cult of monogamy for years, until then, I’m going to do whatever I want with whomever I want whenever I want.” – David Spade on being single
I heart David Spade.
I am glad that you wrote about being a community. As pastor puts it. My husband and I have been speaking on the matter for a while now. And, as we too enter the next stage of our life we are being more selective on friendships. I am tired of being surrounded by the “drama” as some would put it that people create. It is frustrated. Now, I am more disrecting on people. I look for the signs and listen more closely and stay away. Because I want to teach my children in making good and quality minded friends. Now, I am reaching to a young teen and hope and pray that I can pour into her just like my mentor poured into me. Thanks again. Love you, angel.